Happy Mother's Day! (just another day in The Mutha-Hood)

Happy Mother's Day Weekend, readers!  (Hope you all enjoy Anita Renfroe as much as we do :)

Recently I wrote an essay as part of a Green River scholarship application; I ran into some perplexing questions.  I was at a loss, really, as to how to explain my work experience or academic achievement, so here's how I introduced myself (tongue firmly-in-cheek, of course):

"For the past five years I’ve held the position of Chief Executive Officer of a small, successful-though-chaotic enterprise. My responsibilities include but are not limited to: budget allocation and record-keeping, maintenance, meal preparation, buyer (of everything), efficiency expert, health and personal safety advisor (including personal hygiene), and transportation of precious cargo. I am on-call 24 hours a day. In exchange, I receive zero compensation. I get zero days off per year, and (BONUS!) also get zero vacation or sick days."

Then I included an interview I did with the girls about Mommy going back to school:

Here’s what my charges have to say about me:

Q: Would you say that Mommy’s a hard worker?
A: “Yes, when you get home from the gym, you’re always really sweaty!!”

Q: What would be good about Mommy going back to school?
A: “You really need to learn about Jesus, and makeup, and Easter egg hunts….”

Q: Would Mommy be a good nurse?
A: “Yes! You’re great at checking us out with the doctor’s kit!” … “But don’t give any kids shots Mom!”

They crack me up.  Being a mom is hard work.  It's also hilarious, and that's part of the reason we started this blog in the first place--to celebrate the hilarity of motherhood.  Try interviewing your kids today with some questions about you, your time with them, your profession, the world...we'd love to hear their responses.

Check out South Sound Macaroni Kid (one of our favorite sites!) for a list of events going on this weekend in the area.  Enjoy your celebrations, Mommies!

Holly's Big Girl Bedroom Makeover

Our baby is growing up so fast!!  In March, on a whim, we moved Holly from a room on the west side of the house into the room that was formerly Doug's man cave.  The walls went from chocolate brown to bright purple (her favorite color, we assume, since any time you ask her what color something is, she says, "Purple!").  Since she's still in a toddler bed, I was having trouble deciding between a quilt or blankets; I found a crib/toddler bed sized duvet insert at Ikea but was disappointed with the homely-looking choices for duvet covers.  I found one I liked on Etsy but it was too pricey and the wrong size for the insert I purchased. 

This is the crib duvet cover from Etsy that inspired me to ask Doug's mom if she could design something similar for us. 

Etsy Toddler Sized Cotton Duvet Cover ($49.00)

Doug's mom is a quilting aficionado and agreed to sew one for us if I found fabric I liked (which only took one very exciting trip to the fabric store).  It's lovely--she did an amazing job and said it was a pretty quick project.  If you know someone with a knack for sewing, I think a custom duvet cover is a terrific, low-cost way to spruce up a kid's room.

Holly's duvet fabric is from Carriage Country Quilts in Des Moines, WA.  It SPARKLES!!  Can you tell how much it sparkles?!



Ikea Crib Comforter (Duvet Insert) ($15.00) -- 49" by 43" (larger than the average crib quilt, standard size being 43" by 29")

Doug bought the combination primer/paint for the walls and it covered great, in two coats.  The metallic, shimmery silver paint also needed two coats to avoid looking streaky.  The shimmery silver paint looks great with her sparkly duvet. :)  Thanks to my wonderful husband for doing ALL the painting (and masking, clean-up, etc.). 

Paint by Martha Stewart Living Precious Metals in Tin (ceiling) and Glidden in Orchid Blush (walls).



Real Housewives - Miscarriage

I've struggled with writing this post...I've had to walk away from the computer several times in the past couple of days and muster up the strength to come back. How do you talk about it? What do you say? Why talk if it is so darn hard? Well...because. Because it happened and it's a part of us. Because it's important to talk in order to heal. Because it makes our family what it is today. Because so many women experience it. Because no one talks about it. Because maybe it just happened to you or to someone you know. Because maybe if I share our story, others will know they are not alone. So, here it goes. This is me being brave:

I had a miscarriage.
miscarriage.
Such a lonely word.

I will NEVER forget the days...hours...seconds really...that surround the moment we lost our baby. I will never forget the roller coaster of emotions, the disbelief, the utter sadness. I will never forget the tears flowing as I hugged my dear friend in our driveway after returning from the doctor. She pulled up just as we were getting home and excitedly pulled over thinking she'd get to see the ultrasound picture of a little bean and instead I just shook my head and lost it in her arms.

So, here's what happened a little over three years ago: We had a nine week ultrasound scheduled for the Monday after Thanksgiving. We had already told family & friends about the pregnancy since we were seeing everyone in person over the holiday. We waited much longer to share the news about our first baby, Logan. I was feeling a little uneasy about everyone knowing before we saw the doctor. I just wanted to see that little bean on the screen already! The ultrasound tech started the exam and there it was! Our little bean. I was so excited and relieved. Now this was really happening! Dan and I were holding hands and incredibly giddy over what we were seeing. Our joy was quickly interrupted when we noticed how quiet the tech had suddenly become. And then, the words that still ring in my ears, "I'm not finding a heartbeat"..."I can't find the heartbeat"... My head was spinning. I was struggling to accept what she was telling us. How could that be? I can see my baby RIGHT THERE. Check again...PLEASE check again! I had not experienced any pain, cramping, or bleeding in the previous weeks, so I didn't understand. She said the size of the baby was right on for nine weeks and that it must have just happened in the last day or two. With that, we were given some alone time and then shuffled into another office to hear that they had no idea why we lost our baby. The consensus was that my body recognized that there was something biologically wrong and terminated the pregnancy on its own. The doctor started giving me statistics about how common miscarriage is (I know she was trying to make me feel better, but it didn't work). I felt anything but common. I felt empty. I remember walking back through the waiting room of expectant mothers and being hit by a ton a bricks that I was no longer one of them.

So there it is, nine weeks along. Some people have tucked the word only in there... "only nine weeks", but those who have lost a baby know the number doesn't mean a thing. This baby was already a part of us...already a part of our family. We had plans, hopes, and dreams for this baby.

Lost a baby. Lost a piece of my heart. Simple as that.

What happens next is not pleasant at all. Here I am quietly whimpering on the way home with our 11 month old in the backseat and my husband, who is hurting just as much as I am, but has to hold it together for me (because let's face it, the husband often gets the raw end of the deal when grieving the loss of a child). He holds the prescription in his hand. You see, I had technically lost the pregnancy, but not physically. I opted to use drugs at home instead of surgery. I was thinking that I wanted to be at home with my family. The last thing I wanted was to be in a sterile hospital room feeling lonely and scared.

I would never choose that option again. The next two days of my body basically forcing me to "lose the baby" were excruciating. I won't go into further detail except to say that the moment I lost my baby was clear and horrifying and will never leave my brain. I only include this part because if you are ever in this situation, I highly recommend surgery (called D&C: dilation and curettage). No woman should have to go through that. Next it was back to the doctor only to find out that the drugs hadn't fully done their job and I had to take them all over again. After a week of agony, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and threw a first birthday party for my son. It was the absolute ONLY thing that could have brought me true joy at a time of such sadness. It was wonderful.

I wrote a journal entry a couple months after my miscarriage. Most of it was pretty raw, but here is a bit of how I was feeling at the time:

...the thing that keeps running through my head is that I never got to hold you. NEVER got to hold you. You were our baby and we never got to hold you. I feel so empty. So sad. It feels like a tiny piece of me is missing. You will forever be a part of this family...our little angel.

...I am beginning to hate the phrase everything happens for a reason. It's just what people say when they don't know what to say and every time I hear it I want to scream.

...I am having a REALLY hard time moving past this. Does everyone feel this way? I am not a negative person, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Can't get a positive thought in my head. Bad dreams. Guilt. Shame. Was it something I did...Maybe if I hadn't...

In search of anything that might help me move forward, I bought a book called I Never Held You.

As I continue to heal, I can delight in the loving people I have surrounding me. My amazing husband...He held me together. He knew exactly what I needed. I was curled up in retreat and he led me back to the world with the most delicate touch. He made the phone calls, he brought the blankets and the soup, he told me to keep crying. My friends showed up at the door with meals and hugs and open-ended offers to talk. My family waited for me to get my grounding and supported me every step of the way. My little man, Logan, gave the best sloppy, open-mouthed, toddler kisses a mommy could ask for. I don't know if you're ever completely "healed" after something so heartbreaking. But, I do know that I used to cry every minute, and then every day, and then every week, and now a couple times a year...so it does get better.

If I Could Write A Letter (To My Daughters)

When Doug and I found out we were pregnant with our third daughter, I remember doing a little math, and then this thought left me absolutely breathless:

 In September of 2023, we will have three daughters in high school ... at the same time.  OH THE HUMANITY! 

Those years have the potential to be a full scale Chernobyl-style disaster.  But instead of curling up in the fetal position and preparing to wait out the storm, I've decided to take a more active approach.  My idea is to write them a series of letters, chronicling (in a gentle way) my own experiences, what I wish I'd done differently, and what I want them to know as they prepare to leave the nest.

I love Brad Paisley's "A Letter To Me."

"...I'd end up saying have no fear/These are nowhere near the best years of your life ... I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be/I'd say have a little faith and you'll see/If I could write a letter to me."

I'm left with a lot of questions and not so many answers.  (Good thing I have a few years for this project.)  What kind of people do we envision them becoming?  What knowledge could we impart to them to turn them into level-headed, conscientious adults?  Maya Angelou wrote Letter To My Daughter to reflect on 80 years of wisdom...do I have any wisdom after 27?  I'm totally unqualified to raise teenagers but maybe that's the case for everybody.
 
I struggled in high school (who doesn't, right?). Despite an amazing support system at home, somehow I was still hopelessly insecure.  Notoriously impatient.  Ruled by emotion instead of logic (as Doug would say, definitely not a Vulcan :).  So, like any parent, I'd like to spare them some of my trials and tribulations.  The thought of any one of my girls with a broken heart is almost too much for me to bear.  I'm not naive, I know they ultimately have to make their own choices and learn from their own experiences.  We can't live their lives for them--sMothering isn't my style. 

I have a long list of Wants for my girls:

I want them to be happy above all else.  I want them to be patient and know that God has a plan for their lives, and everything doesn't have to happen NOW.  I want them to be free to be themselves; to have enough confidence to be independent thinkers and speak their minds.  I want them to be kind to everyone with no exceptions, have empathy, be perceptive to others feelings.  I want them to be aware of the sometimes long-reaching consequences of their actions.  I want them to appreciate and take full advantage of the opportunities they are given.  I want them to be gracious to a fault.  I want to have an open and honest dialogue with them about their lives.  I want them to know they can come to us about anything, no exceptions, and they will be met with compassion, understanding, and honesty. 

I found some inspiration from other writers with the same desire. (Read a few of their letters here.)  A common theme jumped out at me: they all wanted, more than anything, for their girls to be happy and feel loved.  So I guess this post will be open-ended, and at the end of it maybe I'll have something worthy of reading with them, and if they can take away even one thing from it I'll call it a success. 

I'd love to hear from you, what you want for your children, and how you plan on sharing that with them.  Happy Tuesday, readers!

How Gross Is it?

So, we've all been the NEW MOMMY who is insanely obsessive about the hands/items/animals touching our teeny little bundle of joy. The crisp, clean linens, the sanitized bottles, the scrubbed tables, the toys that have been sprayed with Lysol ten times in one hour. The hand sanitizer police in full-effect! Then, with time (and more kids), we start to shrug our shoulders a bit. Maybe it's a learning process, maybe it's pure exhaustion just trying to keep up, maybe it's SURVIVAL!

Eh...the binky hit the floor and the kid is screaming and I NEED these groceries.

Eh...the blankie is being dragged across the daycare floor and I don't have time to wash it before nap.

Eh...the table didn't get wiped between meals and I spy a smear of crusty ketchup being mixed with new goldfish.

Eh...the dog is french kissing the toddler, but I'm up to my elbows in the baby's poopy diaper.

Eh...three kids just licked my son's lollipop.

Eh...my little guy is eating dirt for the umpteenth time, but I physically can't bring myself to stop him ONE MORE TIME.

Let's face it: it is nearly impossible to keep everything spic and span with kids in the house. There are things we just have to let go. I'm not saying there aren't freak-out-worthy moments to be had...poop in the tub still grosses me out! So, when is it ok to shrug our shoulders and when should we be concerned?

How Gross Is it? - Parenting.com



Photo from Parenting.com



A Smorgasbord of Mommy Stuff

Hello mommies!
Today, let me delight you with various mommy goodies pulled right from magazines, websites, and blogs that I love.

Valentine Printables from Parenting.com:

Sleepy-time strategies from Family Fun's February 2011 issue:

Grace is Overrated offers adorable fill-in-the-blank journaling pages like this one:

I pulled the article below from Parents Magazine when Logan was almost 2 and posted it inside my kitchen cabinet for those especially challenging days:

Memo To Mommy

Stop freaking out about the mess! There's always time to clean - but how often do we get to make mud pies?

Love me, even when I'm naughty. I'll only be this age once.

Be patient. I do everything for a reason, but I don't know enough words yet to give you an explanation.

Let me do it. I know you can do it faster and better, but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

Don't expect too much of me. I want to do what you ask and make you happy, but I'm still little.

Don't try to reason with me when I'm having a tantrum. Trust me - I can't hear you over my own screaming.

Keep your promises. It's all about trust. When I'm a teenager, you'll understand why it's so important.

Don't keep asking me if I've been good. I'm not even sure what that means, but if I was bad, I'd never admit it.

Set limits. I can't actually eat a whole box of cookies - I just want to see if I'd get away with it.

Don't let me think that you're perfect. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who makes mistakes sometimes. [This one is my favorite!]

Loving MamaBargains.com! This site offers great deals (products for both women and children) until they are gone and then posts something new. The items are always 40-80% off retail value. You may see up to 10 deals in one day depending on how fast the items sell out. These adorable shoes were featured yesterday for $8.00:

Check out the free online family planner/calendar at cozi.com which now has apps for both the iPhone and droid:

Muffin Mix-Up from Family Fun February 2011:

And, take a peek at BabyCenter's Simple Ways to Make Your Child Feel Special:

Create little morning moments

Snuggle and cuddle

Make up special stories

Ask for help

Break the rules

Have fun at bedtime

Get silly

Use your words

And just pay attention to the little things

A January Moment

Last night, after putting Carter to bed, I asked my four-year-old if he wanted to workout with mama (my husband was at a late meeting). Logan replied with an enthusiastic "YES!" mainly because he loves the exercise balls and resistance bands that come along with my workout. I've been doing something called, "Mommy Muscle" by Stroller Fit that is basically pilates, but is designed for women recovering from C-section. It is awesome!

In the past, I have put off my workout until the babies are in bed because, ineveitably, once an adult is on the floor in our house it means wrestle time...and that includes our dog wanting to play, too. For whatever reason, I thought I'd give it a shot. Logan was hilarious! He did the first 3 or 4 exercises right next to me with an incredibly serious look on his face...ball between his feet...feet up in the air...

It started going downhill from there.

Our dog was licking my fingers as I did my V sit. I was in plank position and, all of a sudden, Logan sat right on my butt. OUCH! Immediate belly flop to the floor. Starting to get frustrated now. I put the dog out and asked Logan to give mama some space so I could finish my exercise. He started trying to throw the ball "over mama" (and hit me in the face a couple times). So, here I am holding a side plank on my elbow, wishing I would die and thinking, "I can do this...I CAN'T do this...let's focus on a flat stomach...when will this be over..." A small, ADORABLE, smiling face popped through the hole under my armpit and said, "Go mama!"

I laughed and fell on top of him. He laughed. We wrestled. We played. He gave me a big kiss and said he was proud of me.

What a little man! And, what a moment.

Hearing Voices

I have been doing some thinking...about voices. Almost like having multiple personalities, I have multiple voices. This post started with a particularly 'off' day in our house when I caught myself...just before yelling at my four-year-old...walked into the garage, closed the door behind me, let out a garbled, grunty, screechy burst of frustration, took a deep breath, and re-entered my house. Dan and I strive to not be a 'yelling' house because really, where does yelling get you? We want our home to be a place where our kids feel safe and learn lessons in a constructive way. We aren't always successful, but we try.


Art by Anne Taintor. LOVE her stuff :)

Anyway, back to my voices. I was thinking about what voice my boys hear when I am frustrated since I don't often yell at them. And wondering if it is almost as bad? Almost like I have exchanged one for the other. They definitely know what that voice means. Once, Logan was quick to respond to THAT voice with, "Mama, have you had your coffee yet?" Which, thankfully, sent us both into a fit of giggles and lightened the mood.

So, upon further contemplation, I came up with my 'voices' on a scale of normal to elevated (somewhat similar to the national security terror alert chart):


Art by Anne Taintor

1. Silly/Playful Mama: 

This voice contains various sound effects including zerberts, roars, high pitched singing, giggles, grunts, and more. This voice reads stories & plays games. This voice is the one which most often brings out the twinkle in my childrens' eyes. This is the voice I strive to use at least once a day with each of them.

2. Normal Mama:

This voice is used most frequently. This voice asks, "How was your day?" "Can I get you some milk?" "Do you need to go potty?" "Will you please help me clean up?" This voice also says, "I'm proud of you" and "I love you".

3. THE Mama (accompanied by a certain look):
This is the warning voice. This voice means business. This voice says you need to stop what you are doing and listen...now. This voice is good for our kids. This voice sets boundaries and handles discipline.

4. Frustrated Mama:
The thing that bothers me most about this voice is when I hear my four-year-old making the same sound. I know frustration is a part of life and he is going to be frustrated probably every day...aren't we all? I guess I can take a small amount of pride in the fact that he grunts and says, "This toy is frustrating me" rather than throwing the toy, kicking the toy, or taking it out on the nearest human. Still, not proud of this particular piece that I have instilled in him.

5. Yelling Mama:
This is the voice that brings mommy guilt and shame. This voice is heard on very rare occasions and is inevitably followed by remorse and apology. Our kids deserve respect. And, I feel strongly that they deserve apologies from us from time to time, too.

6. Friend Mama:
I love this voice! This is the voice I use with my girlfriends. Pretty similar to Normal Mama, but laced with a ounce of fun...and sometimes 'spirits'. This is the voice that tells stories, listens to friends, jokes, quotes various pop culture. This voice is carefree...the voice that lets me be my girly self.

7. Sexy Mama:
This one is reserved for my husband. And, let's face it, is probably more comical than sexy. Usually includes something along the lines of "Hey baby...How you doin?" ...You can see where this is going.

So there they are. One I aspire to use more, one I hate myself for using, and everything in between. I would like to think that voices 1-3 are the ones heard most in my house, but have to admit that voice number 4 sneaks in on a daily basis.

Doing my best is the best I can do.

[New Year's Resolution] The Moments

Sarah already introduced this little tradition of mine in her 'Joy' post. Here's a little history. My first word was SIMPLIFY in 2009. I was newly pregnant with my second child and was rapidly feeling overwhelmed with 'stuff'. I had suffered a miscarriage the previous year (a heavy topic that can be discussed later, but important when explaining my reasons for picking a word). I felt like I needed order and something to focus on. Because of my experience, this pregnancy was filled with fear, stress, and worry. My desperation to remain positive and sane was palpable. Call it a major nesting phase, but I wanted all the 'junk' (physical and mental) gone. I wanted life to be clean and simple. I wanted our home to be clean and simple. I wanted to focus on having a healthy pregnancy and baby. It worked. I felt refreshed, organized, and prepared for the future when we brought healthy baby Carter home.

My word for 2010 was ENJOY. I had a 5 month old and a 3 year old and was EXHAUSTED. I felt it was important to remind myself on a daily basis (and by daily I am talking about being awake for 24 hour periods at a time with a baby who didn't want to sleep) that no matter how tired I was, I wanted to look back on these baby days with great memories and joy. I had to think about my word a lot. I had to force the word into my mind at times. I had to talk to Sarah about my word on occasion. It worked. I let the little things go. I took it all in and tried to remember that in Sarah's words "I would sleep again".

A holiday 'moment' at Snowflake Lane.

I like this method because it feels like less pressure than a resolution. It is something you can carry with you throughout the entire year. And, I like that it is a journey. Where will my word take me? What will it help me through? What will I learn along the way?

This year, it seems as though my word has picked me. I've been thinking about it since November and all through December I kept telling myself to savor everything. That the pure joy my children were exuding over the 'small stuff' was a gift. That they will NEVER be these ages at Christmastime again. That the focus should be on my family, not on the lines...and gift buying...and stress. I chose things like fingerpainting Santa pictures rather than unloading the dishwasher and guess what? We had FUN. And guess what else? Everything still got done.

I decided to carry that feeling over into the new year.
My word for 2011 is:

moment

as in...
enjoy it
seize it
recognize it
capture it
preserve it
make the most of it
relish in it
be confident in it
and

LOVE each moment that we have together.

The REAL Housewives of King County

We've been wondering, as we approach our four month blogging anniversary, if this adventure is shaping up the way we saw it in our heads (which are full of lofty ambitions). We are truly enjoying ourselves, but question whether we are being our REAL selves or the censored selves that won't get us in trouble. Do we dare rip that pretty, sparkly, ruffled curtain away from the true, disheveled, missed-my-shower, got frustrated after cleaning up spilt milk for the third time in 20 minutes mommy hiding behind it. Something that sparked this conversation in us was another blog: Single Dad Laughing and his post regarding perfection. At this point in the post, we say, strap yourselves in readers...it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm a mess. I am not SuperMom.
Our garbage can is always the last to be pulled up (as in, on Wednesday it was still down there... trash got picked up on Saturday). I'm seldom caught up on the laundry and even if I can get it done and folded, it almost never gets promptly put away. I'm a compulsive vacuumer, but hate to dust... I'd rather just not look at surfaces I know need dusting. (I don't spend a lot of time near the piano.) I hate a dirty car interior and mine, right now, is trashed. It smells like spoiled milk and I have no doubt that a rogue sippy cup is the culprit. There are crushed goldfish and animal crackers everywhere, the car seats are sticky, and the passenger seat window is covered in dog slobber from Emma's trips to the dog park. I totally get why some people don't allow eating in the car, but we're always in a hurry (because I hate being late). I fed the kids breakfast at Safeway on Tuesday because I didn't have time to feed them before leaving to purchase my "main dish" contribution for brunch at MOPS (bags of bagels and cream cheese).

I'm always among the first of our friends and family to put up the tree and mail the Christmas cards--not this year. Yesterday Haley said, "Mom can we PLEASE put up our Christmas tree like everybody else???" in a very exasperated voice. My cooking, my kitchen time, a place I love to be, doing a thing I love to do, is being seriously neglected [if you've wondered if I cook what you see on the blog everyday...the answer is no]. Feeding and cleaning up 'kid food' seems to consume 80% of my day already and we ain't talkin' about gourmet fare (insert Rachael Ray diatribe here)--pancakes, eggs, bowls of cereal, chicken nuggets, or grilled cheese.

The kids know my husband is the one who plays, because he can play. Somehow I find myself consumed with the bills, cleaning, cooking, cleaning (my God the cleaning never stops), the shopping (ALL the shopping, for everything), picking up dog poop, cleaning, and feeding the darn dogs so they can keep producing dog poop, laundry (which should be included in cleaning but for five people and two dogs is really a category all by itself), decorating, worrying...all the time...about everything, because Doug's fantastically laid-back personality grants him the ability to be relaxed and worry-free. And I have no idea how to rediscover my joy, savor the little moments, when I am so totally overwhelmed.

...And, now for bachelorette number two:

Hi, my name is Lindsay and my kids watch TV.
I DO NOT have it all under control and I DO NOT have all the answers. Mommy guilt consumes me on a daily basis...Did I read to them enough? Did I listen when they talked to me? Did I feed them a healthy enough meal? I feel like I am constantly cleaning up a 'food mess' and the laundry is quickly becoming a task I despise. I have told Dan on several occasions that we might have to start having naked Sundays because it is SO dissatisfying to wash, dry, fold, and put all the clothes away only to head into the closet with the empty basket and find more dirty clothes on the floor waiting to be washed! UGH! I have what seems like a never ending list on my kitchen counter at all times. As things get crossed off, others get added. The thing that really breaks my heart is that I hear the phrase, "Mama, you want to play with me?" about every two minutes and the answer I hear myself spit out more often than not is "just a minute" or "hold on while I ...". Maybe once every couple hours is my answer, "Yes. Let's play!" The conclusion that I have come to is that this mama thing is HARD and you can't possibly accomplish everything on your list everyday if you also want to have fun and love on your kids (and don't get me started on having the energy at the end of the day to spend time with my husband...unless it involves falling asleep on the couch while trying to catch up on our DVR).

My guess [hope] is, since Sarah's note and mine sound pretty similar, that maybe we all feel this way? That maybe we're not alone? That maybe we all experience mommy guilt? That maybe we all have that terrible day that makes you feel like a failure? That maybe this IS the hardest job...

When it comes to the blogging part, I wonder if I've let my real voice lead my posts. I was a writer/editor for a school district for five years before babies. In that job, professionalism, grammatical excellence, and NON-OPINION were drilled into my head on a daily basis. Every time I start writing a post I go into it with all these silly, funny, maybe a little taboo or OPINIONATED ideas running around in my head and then...it comes out like a professionally written school newsletter meant to offend no one and maybe isn't actually what I wanted to say at all.

So, can we be real?

Maybe you won't like who we really are...

...but maybe you will.

Maybe we're exactly like you.

We recognize that we are getting our feet wet and learning the ropes as we go. We realized and discussed when we started that we were not choosing to do this anonymously and how would that look on the page. How would we tell our story without sounding ungrateful or disrespectful or gripey (I made that word up-go with it) at times? How do you talk about your true life, your true self, your kids, your daily struggles...when you know your mother-in-law or mother or grandmother is reading this? Which brings an interesting question about how REAL we really are. If we're being honest with everyone in our lives, then what we write shouldn't come as a surprise.

The blog so far is a pretty accurate representation of who we want to be, but maybe not a totally accurate representation of the day-to-day. We started this process in search of who we are, wanting to be known, wanting our voices to be heard. Coming to the end now...hoping we've enlightened you on our un-perfectness.

Looking ahead, here's what to expect...
Will we still have yummy recipes that make your mouth water? Yes

Will we still feature Lindsay's [hate this word:] crafts? Yes

Will we still be silly? Yes
Will we still be passionate about pointless pop culture? Yes
Will we still share stories about our adventures in parenting? Yes

Will we be real? Yes

whew...

Love The Way You Love Me

"Love is a verb."

(Dr. Gary Chapman)

This is Hannah.  She is my precious, precocious 3-year-old daughter.  It's amazing to me how different and unique each of my children are; I have to share something today that's been pressing on my heart for a while now.  A couple of years ago our MOPS group had a gal come talk to us about love languages.  The idea, from Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages, is that everyone has a 'love language' through which they can best connect, communicate, and receive love from those closest to them.  Here's a quick rundown of the languages:

• Physical Touch
• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Acts of Service 

My little Hannah has been in the 'Physical Touch' category since she was tiny (I mean teeny tiny).  Gently stroking her chubby little legs put her into an almost-trance-like state as an infant.  She loves having her back rubbed and face touched.  She's super perceptive to the 'feel' of things: blankies, books with soft parts on the pages, itchy clothes or clothes with itchy tags, my scratchy legs or Doug's scratchy face if we haven't shaved.  She rubs her face on my leg (assuming it isn't scratchy) when she asks to snuggle on the couch.  When I'm angry with her she gets really close and touches my face with her hands and closes her eyes. 

Not everyone has such a clear preference.  Lindsay and I remember our MOPS table going back and forth, thinking we might be 'a little bit Quality Time' and 'a little bit Acts of Service,' and hemming and hawing about what our husbands might be (Physical Touch much?).  The point is, if you can identify your family members' love languages, you might be able to connect with them on a more satisfying level.  Chapman says most conflicts in relationships (with your spouse or otherwise) stem from two people speaking completely different love languages.  Another idea that really resonated with me is that by learning our childrens' love languages, we can be better prepared to keep their "love tanks" full.  Here are a few links that might help you figure it all out:

Quiz To Determine Your Own Love Language
(My results were: Quality Time and Acts of Service... Doug would say, "Duh.")
Love Languages
How To Work With The Love Languages Of Children

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

You've Got Mail...Kids!

Seriously! Here's something that I am doing to preserve the everyday, silly memories that maybe wouldn't have a place in (or ever make it to) the baby book.

I opened a gmail account for both Logan and Carter (gmail accounts are free).

I know it sounds strange that my babies have email accounts, but it works! Whenever we have a funny day or they say or do something that makes me smile and think, "I don't want to forget that", I email a quick note. No one else has the email address and I don't do it daily. But, just think how often you are sitting at your email vs. pulling out the baby book. I also find that it is more representative of my speaking voice when I tell stories about them rather than small blurbs written in the tiny spaces of a baby book.

I started this almost two years ago and Logan currently has about 11 emails from me and Carter has 5, so it is not CRAZY time consuming, but it is a way to keep those little memories intact for one tired mama. Haven't decided if/when I will print them...make a book...I don't know? I have faith in gmail that they are safe for the moment until I decide what to do with them.

Samples of what I say to my kids over email (tired mama typos and all):

To Logan:

To Carter:

Definitely something to try!

I'd Like To "Ask The Audience" Please: It's A Celebration Situation!

I've been going back and forth about this for a while, so I thought I'd bring it to the blogosphere and see what everyone else thinks.  The girls birthdays are in October, November, and December.  Last year only Holly got a big party because it was her 1st birthday (and that's a pretty special day!), but this year we're having a combined party for all three girls in early November for our family and close friends.  We chose to go this route because inviting people over three months in a row for a party sounds a little excessive.  I know some people choose to only let one kid have a party each year in rotating fashion, but I got a party every year so I'd like to do the same for them (and besides, let's face it, I live to throw parties :).

Mud Pie Cupcake Birthday Hat

I have some questions about birthday etiquette and I'd love your thoughts.

Friends:
Do we invite the girls' little friends to this party, which will be on a Saturday late afternoon, or plan separate, more casual get-togethers for their friends closer to their actual birthdays?  We have a lot of family close, so inviting only our closest friends and family still adds up to nearly 50 people (if everyone came, which they won't).  Tacking on additional kids' friends to this list boggles my mind--we simply don't have room for it.   However, the thought of this big party plus at least two little party-type-occasions is also mind-boggling. 

Gifts:
We want people to come celebrate birthdays with us, but if I got an invite to a party for three children, I'd feel obligated to bring three gifts and would probably feel burdened by this, given the current economic climate and the season of life we're in.  I don't want anyone to feel burdened!  So should I say "No Gifts Please"?  If I got an invitation to a kid's birthday that said "No Gifts" I'd bring one anyway.  Should the invite perhaps say "Gifts Optional"?  Well, really, gifts are always optional, so that sounds sort of rude.  So what I've been thinkin' is that I'll include a little note that spells the whole thing out and goes something like this:

"We are so excited to have everyone come celebrate with us. We will provide drinks and dessert, come ready to have a great time! We realize that celebrating 3 children at once is a little unorthodox, but their birthdays are so close together that it seemed like the easiest way to do things. Please don't feel obligated to bring three gifts. They like all the same things and are happy to share a gift between them, and mostly they'll just be happy to see all of their favorite people in the same room. Hope to see you there!" 

Is it presumptuous to assume anyone would even consider bringing three gifts?  Is saying nothing at all the best thing to do?  Any thoughts or advice would be fabulous.

I did find a couple of great websites for party etiquette, listed below.

Hosting A Birthday Party: Proper Etiquette and FAQs

Children's Birthday Party Etiquette from ModernMom.com